eau 'd bedroom dancing

I cant believe i have to be in this city for another 3 years. FUCKMYLIFE! Overall, i dont mind the place.....i forget that im in "the big great capital" and often feel like im in a small town. I make the best of it though. Days like today i get fucking frustrated with the people, the "scene" and lets not forget the fact that every band is so catergorized and glorified to fit some stupid genre.

As much as i love my job, my "bosses" and the kids.....I often think i should have stayed in Toronto. I think it would have been better for Cass Ettes. We're different. We dont fit into some fucking mold. The good thing is with Jennii in Toronto and me in Ottawa, we'll be able to play weekend shows in each city whenever we want.

To be honest, whats bothering me most is that i came from a place that even with all the bullshit & drama & small town crap......we were a unit. Parties & Shows were always a riot. I was able to play music anytime i wanted, with whomever i wanted, and I smiled a lot more than i do now a days.


I miss the void a lot and the people who were apart of that place. I know people thought the place was a dirty hole and the people there were hoodlums with nothing.....but underneath it all, it was a home that welcomed anyone, no matter what you wore or what you listened to. People used to say north bay was a "clique-y" town....but it so fucking wasn't. The void was a place you could walk into one day and hear Blind Guardian or Converge blasting, and the next day you would hear Tracy Chapman & Fleetwood Mac.....and everytime there was a bunch of tattoo'd drunken folk singing their asses off.

I wish i had that feeling back. The feeling that I always had somewhere to go. That place always made me happy. On the nights i couldnt sleep i would walk there and pass out on the couch in the middle of a party, and no one bothered me. I had my best sleeps on those dirty couches...snuggling with mama Jess.



I guess overall i miss Gavin. Its hard for people to understand why i care about him so much and why I think pretty highly of him. I recognize his faults, but truth is....no one is fucking perfect. The difference between my friendship with him, and everyone else's friendship with him, is that I have no problem saying "no" to Gavin. Infact, i enjoy his pouty little face. But when i look past all the shit, I see a non judgemental face. A face that makes me laugh all the time. I think our friendship is so strong because im honest with him. Im realizing a lot lately that people dont like Honesty. We think its a good idea. We think its what we want. But no one likes to hear the truth. Im not saying my truth is RIGHT, Im just saying its honest.....and thats all i ask from people.





<3
Obviously they aren't the only people i miss.....but I get to see most of my other friends more often then these folk. Growing up and moving on fucking sucks. All i regret is not spending my last days in north bay with my friends and wasting time with KFF.....and what a waste of fucking time and energy it was.

I moved to Ottawa because of them....and now im stuck in this fucking city, when i could have been anywhere in this country. Im lucky NB folk visit me, and i have steph or I'd fucking go insane.

rah rah rahhhhh!!!!!
I make the most of everything, and thats the best i can do.

On another note, Jennii & I are going to a Chalet in Quebec with my bosses in July.....this is going to be a good time to put in good jam time before we record!